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Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Sunday, 25 May 2025
Monday, 22 June 2020
Full steam ahead!
With a bit of luck I will have lots of news soon. But for now, all I can tell you is that The Owners Volume VIII: Sophia, is coming along really well.
Because for the last few years I have been concentrating on writing scripts for film and TV, I'd forgotten how it felt to write a book. How much weight is carried by each and every single word you commit to paper.
I've also realised that the list of finished works I was compiling, ready to publish, is rather long... so do bear with me just a little while longer.
It's taken me about five years to get on with writing the next volume in the Owners series. During that time I wrote a book about a trans person trying to find their way in the world, a family trying to deal with autism, loss and grief and several sci-fi/dystopian novels, as well as the film and TV mentioned above. So I've been kind of busy...
Sophia's character is only touched upon in Volume I of The Owners. There she is an adult, a leader of her people. In Volume VIII we see how her strength of character came into being, what it was that moulded her into the adult she would become.
I can't help feeling sorry for her. Her life is filled with hardship and loss and yet she herself fills me with hope. Hope for the world, hope for humanity. Because regardless of what he goes through, it doesn't taint her soul. I wish we could all be like that.
And I guess it makes me wonder about how I would have turned out without all the things that served to define my life. If I had stayed in Glasgow... or London, even. This division of pathways, I have already looked at in my novel Spit Decision (Amazon, Waterstones, etc.,) and was looking at further in the screenplay I'm also currently working on. I'll let you know how that goes.
So if you find yourself at a loose end and are looking for something good to read, pick up one of my books and remember - there will be more on the way, very soon!
Happy reading! x
I've also realised that the list of finished works I was compiling, ready to publish, is rather long... so do bear with me just a little while longer.
It's taken me about five years to get on with writing the next volume in the Owners series. During that time I wrote a book about a trans person trying to find their way in the world, a family trying to deal with autism, loss and grief and several sci-fi/dystopian novels, as well as the film and TV mentioned above. So I've been kind of busy...
Sophia's character is only touched upon in Volume I of The Owners. There she is an adult, a leader of her people. In Volume VIII we see how her strength of character came into being, what it was that moulded her into the adult she would become.
I can't help feeling sorry for her. Her life is filled with hardship and loss and yet she herself fills me with hope. Hope for the world, hope for humanity. Because regardless of what he goes through, it doesn't taint her soul. I wish we could all be like that.
And I guess it makes me wonder about how I would have turned out without all the things that served to define my life. If I had stayed in Glasgow... or London, even. This division of pathways, I have already looked at in my novel Spit Decision (Amazon, Waterstones, etc.,) and was looking at further in the screenplay I'm also currently working on. I'll let you know how that goes.
So if you find yourself at a loose end and are looking for something good to read, pick up one of my books and remember - there will be more on the way, very soon!
Happy reading! x
Tuesday, 19 November 2019
A time to heal...
I haven't blogged for a few months. To be honest I've been too raw.
The last time I posted on here, things were looking great. One of my latest films had garnered BFI Network support, and we were just about to go on holiday to Crete for a family wedding. The future seemed rosy...
But like all things in life, there were events lurking around the corner - things I wasn't yet aware of. One of them was that my beloved Rottweiler had terminal cancer.
She'd had a limp for a few weeks before I had it investigated. Earlier in the year she'd tripped over her own paws when chasing a squirrel, and had limped for a week or so. Second time around, I assumed the previous injury had flared up, even though I hadn't witnessed her doing anything to cause it.
But the x-ray told a different story. There was a huge tumour on her left shoulder and shadows in her lungs, indicating that the cancer had already metastasised. My shock and horror on hearing this was profound. I couldn't believe that my sweet dog was so bravely and uncomplainingly suffering through this horrific disease.
The vet was right when she said the particular type of cancer she had was aggressive - within the week we were making another visit to the vet's to give Roxie a dignified end to her life. I held her and comforted her, and knew that she had loved me just as enormously as I had loved her.
We entered a period of grieving. I couldn't look at her beds, her toys and bowls... but I couldn't get rid of them either. To have lost my dad and both dogs within just less than 18 months, seemed too cruel.
I came through the front door and there was no lolling tongue, no wagging tail to greet me. Just silence and too-clean floors.
I came to hate the way the floors stayed clean when I vacuumed; to be repelled by the echoing silence in the kitchen when I entered first thing in the morning; to be heartbroken that I no longer got to kiss her goodnight before I headed up to bed. My heart was broken.
And then something happened.
I decided to foster. Not to adopt, but to take on and try to heal a dog that was as broken as me, one whose spirit had been crushed by the sheer force of its former bad luck.
So I contacted a rescue centre. After the home check, I explained that I would take the dog that cowered in the corner of its kennel, the dog that would greet no-one, the one that no-one wanted because it was just too broken...
They gave me Beauty. A street dog from Bosnia that's terrified of people and who refused to come anywhere near me or anyone else.
With only one eye and a large scar on her side that looks like a burn mark, it's easy to imagine that she lost her eye through some deliberate act of cruelty. But she can't say and I'll never know.
What I do know is that she has a lot of love to give, now that she's becoming so used to us. And I think that as much as I'm helping her, she's helping me too.
Who knows, maybe we'll both emerge stronger from this experience. Whether we do or not, I know one thing. There's a happy face and a wagging tail in the house again, and my heart is filled with hope.
The last time I posted on here, things were looking great. One of my latest films had garnered BFI Network support, and we were just about to go on holiday to Crete for a family wedding. The future seemed rosy...
But like all things in life, there were events lurking around the corner - things I wasn't yet aware of. One of them was that my beloved Rottweiler had terminal cancer.
She'd had a limp for a few weeks before I had it investigated. Earlier in the year she'd tripped over her own paws when chasing a squirrel, and had limped for a week or so. Second time around, I assumed the previous injury had flared up, even though I hadn't witnessed her doing anything to cause it.
But the x-ray told a different story. There was a huge tumour on her left shoulder and shadows in her lungs, indicating that the cancer had already metastasised. My shock and horror on hearing this was profound. I couldn't believe that my sweet dog was so bravely and uncomplainingly suffering through this horrific disease.
The vet was right when she said the particular type of cancer she had was aggressive - within the week we were making another visit to the vet's to give Roxie a dignified end to her life. I held her and comforted her, and knew that she had loved me just as enormously as I had loved her.
We entered a period of grieving. I couldn't look at her beds, her toys and bowls... but I couldn't get rid of them either. To have lost my dad and both dogs within just less than 18 months, seemed too cruel.
I came through the front door and there was no lolling tongue, no wagging tail to greet me. Just silence and too-clean floors.
I came to hate the way the floors stayed clean when I vacuumed; to be repelled by the echoing silence in the kitchen when I entered first thing in the morning; to be heartbroken that I no longer got to kiss her goodnight before I headed up to bed. My heart was broken.
And then something happened.
I decided to foster. Not to adopt, but to take on and try to heal a dog that was as broken as me, one whose spirit had been crushed by the sheer force of its former bad luck.
So I contacted a rescue centre. After the home check, I explained that I would take the dog that cowered in the corner of its kennel, the dog that would greet no-one, the one that no-one wanted because it was just too broken...
They gave me Beauty. A street dog from Bosnia that's terrified of people and who refused to come anywhere near me or anyone else.
With only one eye and a large scar on her side that looks like a burn mark, it's easy to imagine that she lost her eye through some deliberate act of cruelty. But she can't say and I'll never know.
What I do know is that she has a lot of love to give, now that she's becoming so used to us. And I think that as much as I'm helping her, she's helping me too.
Who knows, maybe we'll both emerge stronger from this experience. Whether we do or not, I know one thing. There's a happy face and a wagging tail in the house again, and my heart is filled with hope.
Thursday, 8 August 2013
Miss Marple after all!
A little mystery has been solved.
I have been wondering why my blog viewing figures often reflected countries where English is not the native spoken language.
In particular, I wondered about Russia as it features prominently on my leader board of viewing statistics. But now the mystery has been solved. Well partly at least.
I have been placed on several internet sites around the globe [or at least my book trailers and books have] and this has led the readers/viewers to my blog.
So to carry the deduction forward [as per Miss Marple style] I can conclude that some kind soul liked my worldly offerings and chose to share them with their countrymen. Now isn't that a kind gesture!
On the negative side of humanity I have this sorry tale to report. A close friend of mine has had their workplace vandalised and robbed. Cash, computers and other equipment were stolen but worse than this, was the sheer pointless vandalising which also took place.
A new car was overturned and left spinning on its roof so that it crashed into everything around it, causing even more devastation and furniture and contents were strewn around, causing much work and mayhem for the people who had to clear it up.
Whilst the obvious result of this is much work to regain even a semblance of order, it is the underlying problems, the unseen issues which have directly arisen from the break-in which may eventually prove more devastating.
To date, four days have been wasted in trying to sort out the workplace as it should be and other work which should have been underway has had to be postponed. Without access to their computer system and its passwords, the staff will not be paid, invoices will not be sent out and bills will stack up.
What will be the inevitable end to this scenario? Another bankrupt company? Dear God, I hope not with all my heart!
And so I write this blog. And you read it. But you, my readers are not the vile and soulless sort of individuals who would perpetrate such a crime. So I ask myself why I am telling you when all you can do is shake your head and empathise.
The reason I am telling you is that sickened to the stomach, I have to rail against these dregs of humanity. I cannot stand up and say 'oh well, that's life'. Never could, never will.
Because there is a part of me, deep inside, that thinks if ever I did that, if ever I just accepted such despicable behaviour, then I too would be a lesser person for it. I WANT to rage, I WANT to scream and shout, because it is my way of challenging this violation I guess.
So if you see me throwing back my head and baying to the moon, at least you will know why.
I have been wondering why my blog viewing figures often reflected countries where English is not the native spoken language.
In particular, I wondered about Russia as it features prominently on my leader board of viewing statistics. But now the mystery has been solved. Well partly at least.
I have been placed on several internet sites around the globe [or at least my book trailers and books have] and this has led the readers/viewers to my blog.
So to carry the deduction forward [as per Miss Marple style] I can conclude that some kind soul liked my worldly offerings and chose to share them with their countrymen. Now isn't that a kind gesture!
On the negative side of humanity I have this sorry tale to report. A close friend of mine has had their workplace vandalised and robbed. Cash, computers and other equipment were stolen but worse than this, was the sheer pointless vandalising which also took place.
A new car was overturned and left spinning on its roof so that it crashed into everything around it, causing even more devastation and furniture and contents were strewn around, causing much work and mayhem for the people who had to clear it up.
Whilst the obvious result of this is much work to regain even a semblance of order, it is the underlying problems, the unseen issues which have directly arisen from the break-in which may eventually prove more devastating.
To date, four days have been wasted in trying to sort out the workplace as it should be and other work which should have been underway has had to be postponed. Without access to their computer system and its passwords, the staff will not be paid, invoices will not be sent out and bills will stack up.
What will be the inevitable end to this scenario? Another bankrupt company? Dear God, I hope not with all my heart!
And so I write this blog. And you read it. But you, my readers are not the vile and soulless sort of individuals who would perpetrate such a crime. So I ask myself why I am telling you when all you can do is shake your head and empathise.
The reason I am telling you is that sickened to the stomach, I have to rail against these dregs of humanity. I cannot stand up and say 'oh well, that's life'. Never could, never will.
Because there is a part of me, deep inside, that thinks if ever I did that, if ever I just accepted such despicable behaviour, then I too would be a lesser person for it. I WANT to rage, I WANT to scream and shout, because it is my way of challenging this violation I guess.
So if you see me throwing back my head and baying to the moon, at least you will know why.
Thursday, 1 August 2013
Almost effortless weight loss...
Ah ha! Here is a new business venture for me.
I have just weighed myself and I weigh EXACTLY 8 stone 8 pounds. If you would like to know how I achieved a few pounds weight loss over the course of 10 days here are my helpful tips.
1. Go for a tonsillectomy...it will hurt like hell and you won't be able to talk but on the plus side, you won't be able to eat either.
2. Blow your oven up. Now you have nothing to cook on, [even if you did work yourself up to be brave enough to try food once more after undergoing option 1 see above].
3. If you are tempted to eat outside of the home, just forget to bring the hospital-issued painkillers with you. That will soon put a stop to that idea.
4. Ensure that before embarking on steps 1-4 that you fill your freezer with foods that your children love but that you hate, so that cravings are reduced.
and finally
5. Should you get hungry at any time, console yourself with a large cool glass of orange juice, even though you know that your body does not react well to this and spend much of your free time in the toilet.
There now you too can lose a few pounds the Carmen way...
I have just weighed myself and I weigh EXACTLY 8 stone 8 pounds. If you would like to know how I achieved a few pounds weight loss over the course of 10 days here are my helpful tips.
1. Go for a tonsillectomy...it will hurt like hell and you won't be able to talk but on the plus side, you won't be able to eat either.
2. Blow your oven up. Now you have nothing to cook on, [even if you did work yourself up to be brave enough to try food once more after undergoing option 1 see above].
3. If you are tempted to eat outside of the home, just forget to bring the hospital-issued painkillers with you. That will soon put a stop to that idea.
4. Ensure that before embarking on steps 1-4 that you fill your freezer with foods that your children love but that you hate, so that cravings are reduced.
and finally
5. Should you get hungry at any time, console yourself with a large cool glass of orange juice, even though you know that your body does not react well to this and spend much of your free time in the toilet.
There now you too can lose a few pounds the Carmen way...
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