I hummed the tune to Happy Days all the way home !
Thursday, 14 March 2013
Goodness me what an exciting day! As I have been very involved in the Children's Reading Festival, I was extended an invitation to meet Mr Henry Winkler at Blackheath Library today. Some of you may remember him as The Fonz in Happy Days. I had a lovely chat with him and can confirm he is a very interesting man.
I hummed the tune to Happy Days all the way home !
I hummed the tune to Happy Days all the way home !
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
This is the last chapter I will write before the end of the Easter hols. Here is a little bit of Chapter 18, Volume IV
In silence she suffered her hand to be held, even forcing herself to look up romantically into his eyes every so often. If this had been a film she would have expected no less than two Oscars and a Golden Globe nomination for it. As it was, it was more important than any film she had ever made and she reminded herself of that, with every step she took
In silence she suffered her hand to be held, even forcing herself to look up romantically into his eyes every so often. If this had been a film she would have expected no less than two Oscars and a Golden Globe nomination for it. As it was, it was more important than any film she had ever made and she reminded herself of that, with every step she took
Monday, 11 March 2013
There are seven chapters left to write in Volume IV. Seven! And then a few read throughs and edits and it will be ready to go!
I can't believe that 12 months on from publishing my first novel, I am on the brink of completing my fourth. Just think what I could do in a decade!
More to the point it makes me wonder what I could have done in the last three decades if I had really put my mind to it. Was I any less dedicated to all the ideas that I pursued then? Was I any less single-minded? Was I more apathetic than I am now? I really don't think so.
I think I was just a different person in so many ways and perhaps it wasn't my time to do something like this. But it is now.
Watch out for Volume IV : A New Epoch because it is coming soon.
I can't believe that 12 months on from publishing my first novel, I am on the brink of completing my fourth. Just think what I could do in a decade!
More to the point it makes me wonder what I could have done in the last three decades if I had really put my mind to it. Was I any less dedicated to all the ideas that I pursued then? Was I any less single-minded? Was I more apathetic than I am now? I really don't think so.
I think I was just a different person in so many ways and perhaps it wasn't my time to do something like this. But it is now.
Watch out for Volume IV : A New Epoch because it is coming soon.
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
I have Google analytics on this site apparently. I say apparently, as in no way was I involved in setting them up, they just came with the site. [Sorry technophobe that I am, it takes me all my time to log in in the first place, never mind setting up something so complicated.]
But the analysis is there, for the taking as it were. And so occasionally I look at it and every time I do, it gives me cause to wonder. There are people in Spain, Poland, the Ukraine and even Sweden who read this blog, as well as the more expected citizens of the good ol' US of A and of course, the UK. Now [and just in case you too are a technophobe just like me, I don't know exactly who these people are or even their address] all I know is what area of the world they live in.
But this always gets me thinking. Are they native American or British people, who now reside/work out in these more exotic destinations? Or are they native to the land in which they reside? If they are native, that poses even further questions, such as are they reading this in English? Or is it being translated into some pigeon version of another language so that if I were to say I was "fed up" it would translate into a phrase which meant over-full?
Assuming therefore that they are reading it in English, brings me to my main point. If people in other countries can read this in English, in a time when there are surveys, test results, reports and a multitude of other data, which constantly inform us that children are leaving our UK schools, in many cases almost unable to write their own names, then that is a strange fact indeed!
It has long been known that there is an underclass in Britain who are almost illiterate, often through no fault of their own. These people straddle the more traditional class system and are found across the board, in every age group and every socio-economic grouping.
In some cases, there was a failing within the school system and in some there were underlying contributory factors such as dyslexia which went unrecognised. Years ago the slightly deaf and slightly myopic also suffered, if their condition went undetected. In my own family, I am aware that those who needed glasses or hearing aids were often incorrectly thought of as 'slow' and stationed at the back of the class, where they would not cause trouble for the 'brighter' pupils. This of course meant that the small amount that they could see/ hear was further diminished!
But things have greatly changed. Those days are gone thankfully. And schools are working hard to encourage children to learn. Lessons are fun and interactive and colours are bright and jaunty within the classrooms.
More importantly, there is an emphasis on reading for pleasure. For me this is the key to everything. If you teach a child to read and more importantly, instil within it, the pleasure that can be gained from that simple act, then you will be on to a winner! Because being able to confidently and eloquently read, opens up a world of possibilities for a child. They can then read and glean facts from the plethora of books that available on every topic possible, from how to water a plant, to how to build a space ship.
But the most important thing, I believe, is that reading allows the imagination to fire up, to gather wind under its sails and take flight...and it is this burgeoning imagination which will turn the next generation into the architects of their own futures and destinies.
Tomorrow and on Friday, I will be in libraries in Sandwell, helping children discover what reading and writing can give them. Not just what to do to keep their teacher happy, but how those two very simple acts can take them on flights of fancy to where ever the elastic of their minds can fabricate.
It's going to be fun!
But the analysis is there, for the taking as it were. And so occasionally I look at it and every time I do, it gives me cause to wonder. There are people in Spain, Poland, the Ukraine and even Sweden who read this blog, as well as the more expected citizens of the good ol' US of A and of course, the UK. Now [and just in case you too are a technophobe just like me, I don't know exactly who these people are or even their address] all I know is what area of the world they live in.
But this always gets me thinking. Are they native American or British people, who now reside/work out in these more exotic destinations? Or are they native to the land in which they reside? If they are native, that poses even further questions, such as are they reading this in English? Or is it being translated into some pigeon version of another language so that if I were to say I was "fed up" it would translate into a phrase which meant over-full?
Assuming therefore that they are reading it in English, brings me to my main point. If people in other countries can read this in English, in a time when there are surveys, test results, reports and a multitude of other data, which constantly inform us that children are leaving our UK schools, in many cases almost unable to write their own names, then that is a strange fact indeed!
It has long been known that there is an underclass in Britain who are almost illiterate, often through no fault of their own. These people straddle the more traditional class system and are found across the board, in every age group and every socio-economic grouping.
In some cases, there was a failing within the school system and in some there were underlying contributory factors such as dyslexia which went unrecognised. Years ago the slightly deaf and slightly myopic also suffered, if their condition went undetected. In my own family, I am aware that those who needed glasses or hearing aids were often incorrectly thought of as 'slow' and stationed at the back of the class, where they would not cause trouble for the 'brighter' pupils. This of course meant that the small amount that they could see/ hear was further diminished!
But things have greatly changed. Those days are gone thankfully. And schools are working hard to encourage children to learn. Lessons are fun and interactive and colours are bright and jaunty within the classrooms.
More importantly, there is an emphasis on reading for pleasure. For me this is the key to everything. If you teach a child to read and more importantly, instil within it, the pleasure that can be gained from that simple act, then you will be on to a winner! Because being able to confidently and eloquently read, opens up a world of possibilities for a child. They can then read and glean facts from the plethora of books that available on every topic possible, from how to water a plant, to how to build a space ship.
But the most important thing, I believe, is that reading allows the imagination to fire up, to gather wind under its sails and take flight...and it is this burgeoning imagination which will turn the next generation into the architects of their own futures and destinies.
Tomorrow and on Friday, I will be in libraries in Sandwell, helping children discover what reading and writing can give them. Not just what to do to keep their teacher happy, but how those two very simple acts can take them on flights of fancy to where ever the elastic of their minds can fabricate.
It's going to be fun!
Thursday, 28 February 2013
Here's another little bit. I do wonder what you think when you read these little bits. Are you piecing together the whole story?
The woman laughed even more hysterically. In a tumbled heap next to her mother, Eve suddenly knew this person was a threat. Without conscious thought, the child reacted instinctively and as the woman brought her face close once more, Eve lifted her strange legs and the wickedly sharp talons that were attached to them.
The woman laughed even more hysterically. In a tumbled heap next to her mother, Eve suddenly knew this person was a threat. Without conscious thought, the child reacted instinctively and as the woman brought her face close once more, Eve lifted her strange legs and the wickedly sharp talons that were attached to them.
Another little snippet of the chapter/book I am working on at the moment.
Greta reached deep inside herself and pulled out
Gretchen, the little street-smart girl who was so good at interpreting body
language. He did not know it was you
standing there, Gretchen thought at her. So
who then? Greta thought back at herself. Obviously someone else! The doctor? Gretchen supplied. It was
logical, especially the comment about cleaning himself up. Greta thought no
more about it. But right in the very, very back of her mind Gretchen mulled it
over.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Now if you are an American reading this [and I know that some of you are] you may well be wondering why I chose to set Volume II in America.
Well the honest truth is that the story just demanded it. But there is no denying that as a Brit, it is hard to write as if native to America. On the other hand we share so many ideologies between the two nations, as well as a love of certain foods and tv shows, that is is not perhaps as insurmountable a task as it initially seems.
Maybe one day I'll get over there for a visit. If you will have me.
Well the honest truth is that the story just demanded it. But there is no denying that as a Brit, it is hard to write as if native to America. On the other hand we share so many ideologies between the two nations, as well as a love of certain foods and tv shows, that is is not perhaps as insurmountable a task as it initially seems.
Maybe one day I'll get over there for a visit. If you will have me.
Here is another snippet
Jack spoke up. He thought of the young, frightened
boy Parm must have been. “And in a way, you felt they had done you a
disservice, in showing you there was a better life to be had. Because you
couldn’t have that life.” He thought about Dan, how if it had been Dan
scrabbling in the dirt …or Katie or even one of her brothers. He thought about
the injustice of it all – life in general. It had been unjust before and it
would continue to be so – it was nature, the way of the world but it did not
make it any less unpalatable.
My website is up and running now but at a temporary address at the moment.
You can view it at http://carmencapuano.getfreehosting.co.uk and I will let you know when it moves!
You can view it at http://carmencapuano.getfreehosting.co.uk and I will let you know when it moves!
27/02/13
I am writing today! Fire on [it's very cold] and laptop to hand...here is a little snippet of The Owners Volume IV
Parm didn’t seem in the least offended or taken aback. In fact he looked very much like he had been anticipating the question for a very, very long time.
He smiled broadly at the two men before him. “Money talks, my friends, money talks. And its voice is the same in every language – a sound like sweet rustling leaves on a cool summer’s day.”
There was a universal silence. Parm worked the quietness like a conductor worked an orchestra, timing and pacing it just right to maximum effect. The atmosphere in the room thickened until the air felt gloopy with tension.
I am writing today! Fire on [it's very cold] and laptop to hand...here is a little snippet of The Owners Volume IV
Parm didn’t seem in the least offended or taken aback. In fact he looked very much like he had been anticipating the question for a very, very long time.
He smiled broadly at the two men before him. “Money talks, my friends, money talks. And its voice is the same in every language – a sound like sweet rustling leaves on a cool summer’s day.”
There was a universal silence. Parm worked the quietness like a conductor worked an orchestra, timing and pacing it just right to maximum effect. The atmosphere in the room thickened until the air felt gloopy with tension.
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
Friday, 15 February 2013
Here is the newly designed front cover for The Owners, Volume III: Dark Side Of The Sun.
What do you think? I hope you all like it!
Here is the synopsis :-
After surviving
the devastating Superstorms which threatened the extinction of mankind, Dan
Ryan and his Uncle Jack know that their old life is forever gone, washed away
on the flood waters which claimed so many lives.
Their best
hope of continued survival is to build a new life with the strangers they have
found along the way. And their best chance of finding Dan’s parents is by
conducting a methodical search.
So they have
a plan.
But even at
the tender age of twelve, Dan is already learning that few things in life go to
plan.
With a diverse
group of people to look after, which includes a heavily pregnant young woman
and several young children and a dog, Seth knows that any plans they make are
going to be liable to change. He also knows that it is going to take all of his
and Jack’s wits, to pull these naïve people through what is about to become the
most testing time in their lives.
A keen
observer of human nature, Seth knows that these folks thought they had had it
tough when caught up in the eye of the storm…and yet, little do they know that their
troubles have only just begun.
The Owners,
Volume III : Dark Side Of The Sun is the tense follow-up to Volume II : Storm
Clouds and continues to rack the tension up another notch in this gripping
series.
“The author
has the reader totally captivated in the stories with her imaginative writing.
I felt like I was part of the book when reading both Volumes I and II and I
can't wait to read Volume III.
I have
already imagined this on the big screen....the next Harry Potter. Nothing keeps
me engaged like the books from this author.”
- Catherine
Phelan.
“The power
of imagination. But could it happen to us? Some of it already is...
You won't
want to put this book down. You don't want more...you NEED more. Can't wait for
Book 4!”
- Mary Hilton.
"I have
read both Volume I and ll of The Owners and have thoroughly enjoyed them, I
couldn't put them down until I reached the end. Can't wait to get started on
Volume lll.”
- Carol Julie Hughes
“Her
story-telling has an abundance of fiction, mixed liberally with a dollop of
wishful thinking!”
- Karen Lamont
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
The snow is falling thickly on the ground and I know that for many people it is nothing more than an inconvenience.
But doesn't it also give us a sense of Olde Worldeliness, that feeling of somehow stepping back into another time, another place? It does for me, anyway.
But if the weather is really getting you down, console yourself with this thought...a couple of months ago, there were entire websites telling us how we would never even get to see 2013! Proclaiming that the world was about to end...and guess what? It didn't!
Perhaps though, it has changed?
If all you +bookreaders and+bookclub people out there, fancy a story that tells you how the world really could be changed, check out The Owners, Volume I: Alone and The Owners, Volume II:Storm Clouds http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carmen+capuano and my book trailer videos on youtube for @youtube viewers.
But doesn't it also give us a sense of Olde Worldeliness, that feeling of somehow stepping back into another time, another place? It does for me, anyway.
But if the weather is really getting you down, console yourself with this thought...a couple of months ago, there were entire websites telling us how we would never even get to see 2013! Proclaiming that the world was about to end...and guess what? It didn't!
Perhaps though, it has changed?
If all you +bookreaders and
The snow is falling thickly on the ground and I know that for many people it is nothing more than an inconvenience.
But doesn't it also give us a sense of Olde Worldeliness, that feeling of somehow stepping back into another time, another place? It does for me, anyway.
But if the weather is really getting you down, console yourself with this thought...a couple of months ago, there were entire websites telling us how we would never even get to see 2013! Proclaiming that the world was about to end...and guess what? It didn't!
Perhaps though, it has changed?
If all you @bookreaders and @bookclub people out there, fancy a story that tells you how the world really could be changed, check out The Owners, Volume I: Alone and The Owners, Volume II:Storm Clouds http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carmen+capuano and my book trailer videos on youtube for @youtube viewers.
But doesn't it also give us a sense of Olde Worldeliness, that feeling of somehow stepping back into another time, another place? It does for me, anyway.
But if the weather is really getting you down, console yourself with this thought...a couple of months ago, there were entire websites telling us how we would never even get to see 2013! Proclaiming that the world was about to end...and guess what? It didn't!
Perhaps though, it has changed?
If all you @bookreaders and @bookclub people out there, fancy a story that tells you how the world really could be changed, check out The Owners, Volume I: Alone and The Owners, Volume II:Storm Clouds http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=carmen+capuano and my book trailer videos on youtube for @youtube viewers.
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Well hello all you 2013 revellers!
It's already nearly the end of the very first month of the year and I'm only putting on my first post of 2013! Where does all the time go?
In my defence though, I must say that I have been hard at work writing...ok, ok, I know its not like I'm down the pits, mining for coal, but it does require a certain level of effort you know.
I have also been busy sorting out other things to do with writing - arranging author talks, writing synopsises, selling books to the library - and so on. I'll tell you more about those later.
I have also been interviewed by www.indieauthorland about my books. You will soon be able to see it on their website but in the meantime, here it is.
It's already nearly the end of the very first month of the year and I'm only putting on my first post of 2013! Where does all the time go?
In my defence though, I must say that I have been hard at work writing...ok, ok, I know its not like I'm down the pits, mining for coal, but it does require a certain level of effort you know.
I have also been busy sorting out other things to do with writing - arranging author talks, writing synopsises, selling books to the library - and so on. I'll tell you more about those later.
I have also been interviewed by www.indieauthorland about my books. You will soon be able to see it on their website but in the meantime, here it is.
Tell us about your book
The Owners,
Volume I: Alone and The Owners, Volume II: Storm Clouds, are the first two
volumes of a series of ten. They have been likened by some readers to Avatar
and the Lord of The Rings trilogy but are not truly like either. I think it is
the fact that they draw the reader into a world that is at once unknown and yet
strangely familiar, that brings about this comparison, helped along by the
sometimes whimsical but always endearing characters and the overwhelmingly
difficult situations they find themselves in.
Volume I
sets the scene for Loni, a fourteen year old Human pet and her Owner the Eyon,
OwnLoni. They both live with OwnLoni's baby Eyon, Little, who is Loni's only
true friend and confidante. Far, far away, lives the boy San, also a Human pet
to an Eyon Owner.
The story
takes both of these Humans on a quest to find out the truth about their
circumstances and forces them to confront fears and insecurities they did not
even know they possessed.
Volume II is
in effect a prequel and shows how the situation of Volume I came into being.
How a combination of destiny, nature and circumstance combine to devastating
effect.
The Owners books
are beautifully simple tales of the necessity of human identity, woven
intricately into a struggle between what is right and what is more right;
between one kind of love and another. They centre on the concept of what it
means to be human, with all the emotional and physical frailties this entails
and subtly examine how humanity can so easily be lost and at what cost to the
soul.
And yet there
is a lightness to the books - a sense of hope, which shines through the
darkness and the despair, to illuminate the enduring spirit and unfettered
heart that exists somewhere within us all.
What genre is it?
Broadly it
falls under the category of science fiction and is suitable for all ages. That
said, I think there is a common misconception about genres and sci-fi in
particular. In fact the best praise I have had from readers of The Owners, have
often been the very ones who will adamantly state that they “don’t like science
fiction but really loved this story!”
What kind of readers will it appeal
to?
Anyone and
everyone who enjoys a good read. There is something in these books for
everyone.
Like the
layers of an onion, the book can be dissected to reveal a multitude of strata -
veins of philosophical thought, threads of moral and theoretical conundrums –
or simply sliced and diced for the pure simple enjoyment and entertainment of a
good story, well told. It is all there for the taking.
How long did they take to write?
To
physically get the words down on paper and then published as they are today? A
few years.
And yet that
is not the whole truth. The truth is that they took a lifetime to write. It
took every experience in my life from birth to the present day, the ups and the
downs, good and bad and the successes and failures…it took all of these and
more to write these books.
Every
feeling of love I have ever had the luxury to cherish, every heart-rending
event in my life, every time I have been forced by life and circumstance to try
to see the funny side of something near catastrophic…all these have been
channelled into my books.
To my mind,
I could not have written these books had I not lived this life.
What was the most
challenging part of your creative process?
Finding the space and the time to be able to write without
interruption.
Tell us a bit about
yourself.
I live in Bromsgrove now but am originally from Scotland. I
lived in Glasgow until I was eighteen then moved to England.
I have done some work in musical theatre and have a degree in
education but have worked in such diverse environments as chip shops, bingo
halls and veterinary surgeries, so have had a rather hodge-podge, checkered
career.
Have you got a blog
where readers can keep up with your work?
Yes, my blog is carmencapuano.blogspot.com and you can also
find me on facebook and on twitter.
My website, carmencapuano.co.uk, is still under construction
but I hope it will be up and running soon as I have lots to say!
Where can people buy
your book?
The books can be bought from Amazon.com, Waterstones or
WHSmith or alternatively you can contact me direct if you want a signed, personalised
copy [also a little cheaper than through the outlets above].
What’s next?
The Owners, Volume III: Dark Side Of The Sun is due out soon
and work has already started on Volume IV, so I’m keeping busy!
Why ten books?
The story started off as a single, stand-alone novel but by a
third of the way through, I realised that it required a follow-on book. The
characters demanded some resolution to their problems and I was too drawn in to
leave them.
Because of the way the story comes to me [in its own time and
at its own pace] I was as caught up in it as if I were reading it, rather than
actually writing it. I needed to know what happened to the characters in the
end and how their situation arose in the first place. So by the half-way point
of Volume I, the story had developed into a trilogy and by the end it was a
full series!
Volume I creates a different world to the one in which we
live and Volume II shows the very first
steps on the path to that new world. Volume II is in effect a prequel.
The books which follow, show how every decision made, reverberates
into the future, every slight change has both a cause and an effect…and eventually
a repercussion…and leads the reader right up to and into the world of Volume I.
Tell us more about the
world your story is set in.
In Volume I, there is a sun and a moon, night and day, light
and dark…it is similar to the world we live in today. But the landscape is
different. There are huge marshy areas and many lakes and rivers, which makes
the land lush and green and different to our conurbations of cities.
There are people in abundance but not living independently or
in family groups. These people are kept as pets by the Eyons, large feathered-bodied
creatures which have human faces but which speak their own screechy language.
The human pets are loved and cared for by their Owners but
they have no freedom of will, no choice over their own destiny.
San and Loni are human pets too but they are different to the
norm. Not content to accept things as they are, they strive to find the answers
for the questions no-one else will ask. They want to know why things are as they are.
Volume II is set just a little into our future and shows the
world very similar as it is today …before natural storms devastate the Earth
and begin its journey to the world of Volume I.
If this series is not
similar to Avatar or Lord of The Rings, what is it similar to?
It has a familiar and yet unfamiliar world, humans who are
the same and yet not the same as us and non-humans who are not so dissimilar to
ourselves as to be totally alien. There are no space ships or laser fights, nor
is there teleportation or any overtly strong science fiction elements, that
would make it unpalatable for those who do not enjoy science fiction. And yet
the series is science fiction.
The books have a unique appeal – non-SF readers will enjoy
them for the characters and the situations they find themselves in, whilst SF
readers will enjoy them for the lavish world that is created within their
heads, filled with non-human creatures and pet humans.
I do not think the
books are really similar to any other books but I do think that they can be
enjoyed across the board, regardless of the genre readers usually prefer. And
that is something that is very rare indeed.
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
It has finally come to my attention that I haven't blogged much for a few weeks.
The reason [excuse, ahem!!!] for that, is that I have: 1) been unwell, 2) busy with Christmas related things and 3) busy finishing of Volume III of the Owners series.
Anyway, now that these things have been accomplished, I still have some editing to do before I can submit Vol III to be published. After that I will be all yours again...at least until I start Volume IV.
In the meantime, it has been pointed out to me that several people don't know where they can purchase my books from...so here is a little secret...you can contact me directly on carmen.capuano@ymail.com and if you like, I will also sign a copy for you before posting it out. The price is £13 plus postage for Vol I and Vol II as a special deal, or £7 for only a single volume plus postage.
Alternatively you can purchase through Amazon or Ebay but those are slightly more expensive options.
Carmen x
The reason [excuse, ahem!!!] for that, is that I have: 1) been unwell, 2) busy with Christmas related things and 3) busy finishing of Volume III of the Owners series.
Anyway, now that these things have been accomplished, I still have some editing to do before I can submit Vol III to be published. After that I will be all yours again...at least until I start Volume IV.
In the meantime, it has been pointed out to me that several people don't know where they can purchase my books from...so here is a little secret...you can contact me directly on carmen.capuano@ymail.com and if you like, I will also sign a copy for you before posting it out. The price is £13 plus postage for Vol I and Vol II as a special deal, or £7 for only a single volume plus postage.
Alternatively you can purchase through Amazon or Ebay but those are slightly more expensive options.
Carmen x
Friday, 9 November 2012
I mentally composed this blog whilst
a fly committed a slow and painful suicide in my eye. Well I say it was painful
for the fly [it certainly was for me, anyway] but in all honesty I can’t claim
to know that for a fact.
Innocently minding my own business, I was walking my dogs and ruminating about the events of last evening when the fly decided to brutally assault me and make the surface of my cornea its final resting place.
So it was, that I concluded the walk with tears streaming down my face and make-up streaked along with it, so that I resembled Coco the Clown more than ever.
I must have been a frightening sight…poking at my own eye with a sharp pink fingernail as I muttered incoherently to myself, a large black fly sticking out from under my eyelashes…fellow dog walkers avoided me like the plague and I even made one small toddler cry. Even for me, this is not a routine occurrence. So if you were one of those people I frightened this morning, I apologise.
But after the events of last night, the fly was just the icing on the cake. Let me tell you how it all began…
I had been scheduled to do an author signing at a ladies pamper evening at the lovely Holiday Inn. The babysitter was booked and I had a plan of how the day and the ensuing evening would run. Oh foolish me!!!
The first inkling I had that all was not going to go well, was when my daughter chirpily told me that it was the start of an after school club that night, which meant that she would not be out of school till 4.15.
Since I had to have everyone fed and sorted by 5pm, when I was due to leave the children in the care of the babysitter, I knew this was cutting things rather fine.
And then of course there was the fact that it was open evening in her classroom between 3.30 and 7.00 and that of course I would have to attend.
But this was still all ok. My two elder children could walk down from their school and meet me and my daughter at the other school, we could all then go home, have tea and I would be on my way.
A good plan. A fine plan…that is, right up until the time I found out that the babysitter was ill and would not be able to watch the children. With no backup plan [and no backup full stop] I now had no alternative but to take the children with me to the event. Not ideal but do-able.
Therefore by 2pm I was cooking my own and the children’s tea before showering and getting so dressed up, I looked like a left over from Elton John’s birthday party.
Halfway into a sequined top, my mobile began to ring. It was 3.25 and sure that the boys would not arrive at the school until 3.50 and that my daughter was in a school club until 4.15, I foolishly thought I had time to spare. I answered the phone, struggling to do up the zip on the top one-handedly. It was someone asking questions about an evening dress I had advertised for sale.
While still hauling on the zipper and trying to persuade the woman that she would be a fool not to purchase the item, one of the dogs began to bark manically, signalling that there was someone at the door. So now I am virtually shouting down the phone at the woman as I try to shut the dog up and still do up my zipper.
By the time I had got the woman off the phone, the zip done up and the dog quietened, whoever had been knocking had left but I had a new text message from a friend. “Club not on tonight. Your daughter is waiting for you in school. X”
YIPES!
Frantically dragging my tights up my legs, I caught a small area on my heel and made a small rip but there was no time to spare so I pulled on my stilettoes and hobbled [I would have run but that would have been impossible in those shoes] round to the school.
From the look on the faces of the other parents, you would have been forgiven for thinking I was wearing the ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’.
I looked at every piece of work and admired every bit of artwork and then the boys arrived. Hungry for biscuits and juice which their sister had told them would be available [and wasn’t!] they whined the whole walk home. It was 4.30.
By 5pm I had the whole tribe showered, fed and in the car [no mean feat let me tell you!] and we were off. I had completely forgotten the little hole in my tights by my right heel…
Using directions I had taken off Google, we arrived at our destination at the right time – only to find that we were on the wrong side of the dual carriageway, with nowhere in sight to be able to perform a u-turn.
The fuel gauge was nearing that worrying area between a quarter tank and empty and the road ahead was busy.
I drove 8 miles in the opposite direction before I could turn around! There were turn offs before this but the traffic queues were so horrendously long, I knew if I joined them I would be terribly late. By now the kids were plane spotting and becoming more excited by the minute. I on the other hand, was becoming more frayed by the minute.
Finally I managed to turn around and head back the other way. The relief when I managed to park the car was immense. I almost got down on my knees and kissed the ground in gratitude.
The kids helped me unload and set up my table. They were still excited and happy to hand out leaflets. It was a great night but there were not as many people as expected due to there being a bad car crash on the surrounding roads [nothing to do with me, I can assure you] and which accounted for all the traffic jams everywhere.
It was as I stood chatting about the merits of writing to a group of interested visitors, that from the very corner of my eye [the same corner that the errant fly was to attach itself the next morning] I realised that the small hole which had started at my heel was now halfway up my leg. I’m sure I looked like a cross between Lilly Savage and Les Dawson by that stage. Trying to stand sideways on with one leg pressed to the side of the table did not help that much either I have to say.
By the end of the evening I was bone weary and fit for bed. I loaded the car back up and we headed for home. But the fuel gauge was now almost on empty. Have you ever just carried on because there is no other option, even as your brain is in utter meltdown? Well that was how I felt. Surely there would be a petrol station within the next few miles?
But there wasn’t. I counted the milometer and with every tick it made, I aged a year. The fuel arrow continued to sink and the miles kept accruing and still there was no garage in sight. Finally, running on mere petrol fumes, the car made it back to Bromsgrove… only to find that the nearest petrol station had closed for the night and we would have to travel another half mile to the next one. How we made it there, I will never know. But we did. And fuel purchased, it was then off to the chip shop for a treat for the kids.
And do you know the funniest thing of all? The kids had a whale of a time …
Innocently minding my own business, I was walking my dogs and ruminating about the events of last evening when the fly decided to brutally assault me and make the surface of my cornea its final resting place.
So it was, that I concluded the walk with tears streaming down my face and make-up streaked along with it, so that I resembled Coco the Clown more than ever.
I must have been a frightening sight…poking at my own eye with a sharp pink fingernail as I muttered incoherently to myself, a large black fly sticking out from under my eyelashes…fellow dog walkers avoided me like the plague and I even made one small toddler cry. Even for me, this is not a routine occurrence. So if you were one of those people I frightened this morning, I apologise.
But after the events of last night, the fly was just the icing on the cake. Let me tell you how it all began…
I had been scheduled to do an author signing at a ladies pamper evening at the lovely Holiday Inn. The babysitter was booked and I had a plan of how the day and the ensuing evening would run. Oh foolish me!!!
The first inkling I had that all was not going to go well, was when my daughter chirpily told me that it was the start of an after school club that night, which meant that she would not be out of school till 4.15.
Since I had to have everyone fed and sorted by 5pm, when I was due to leave the children in the care of the babysitter, I knew this was cutting things rather fine.
And then of course there was the fact that it was open evening in her classroom between 3.30 and 7.00 and that of course I would have to attend.
But this was still all ok. My two elder children could walk down from their school and meet me and my daughter at the other school, we could all then go home, have tea and I would be on my way.
A good plan. A fine plan…that is, right up until the time I found out that the babysitter was ill and would not be able to watch the children. With no backup plan [and no backup full stop] I now had no alternative but to take the children with me to the event. Not ideal but do-able.
Therefore by 2pm I was cooking my own and the children’s tea before showering and getting so dressed up, I looked like a left over from Elton John’s birthday party.
Halfway into a sequined top, my mobile began to ring. It was 3.25 and sure that the boys would not arrive at the school until 3.50 and that my daughter was in a school club until 4.15, I foolishly thought I had time to spare. I answered the phone, struggling to do up the zip on the top one-handedly. It was someone asking questions about an evening dress I had advertised for sale.
While still hauling on the zipper and trying to persuade the woman that she would be a fool not to purchase the item, one of the dogs began to bark manically, signalling that there was someone at the door. So now I am virtually shouting down the phone at the woman as I try to shut the dog up and still do up my zipper.
By the time I had got the woman off the phone, the zip done up and the dog quietened, whoever had been knocking had left but I had a new text message from a friend. “Club not on tonight. Your daughter is waiting for you in school. X”
YIPES!
Frantically dragging my tights up my legs, I caught a small area on my heel and made a small rip but there was no time to spare so I pulled on my stilettoes and hobbled [I would have run but that would have been impossible in those shoes] round to the school.
From the look on the faces of the other parents, you would have been forgiven for thinking I was wearing the ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’.
I looked at every piece of work and admired every bit of artwork and then the boys arrived. Hungry for biscuits and juice which their sister had told them would be available [and wasn’t!] they whined the whole walk home. It was 4.30.
By 5pm I had the whole tribe showered, fed and in the car [no mean feat let me tell you!] and we were off. I had completely forgotten the little hole in my tights by my right heel…
Using directions I had taken off Google, we arrived at our destination at the right time – only to find that we were on the wrong side of the dual carriageway, with nowhere in sight to be able to perform a u-turn.
The fuel gauge was nearing that worrying area between a quarter tank and empty and the road ahead was busy.
I drove 8 miles in the opposite direction before I could turn around! There were turn offs before this but the traffic queues were so horrendously long, I knew if I joined them I would be terribly late. By now the kids were plane spotting and becoming more excited by the minute. I on the other hand, was becoming more frayed by the minute.
Finally I managed to turn around and head back the other way. The relief when I managed to park the car was immense. I almost got down on my knees and kissed the ground in gratitude.
The kids helped me unload and set up my table. They were still excited and happy to hand out leaflets. It was a great night but there were not as many people as expected due to there being a bad car crash on the surrounding roads [nothing to do with me, I can assure you] and which accounted for all the traffic jams everywhere.
It was as I stood chatting about the merits of writing to a group of interested visitors, that from the very corner of my eye [the same corner that the errant fly was to attach itself the next morning] I realised that the small hole which had started at my heel was now halfway up my leg. I’m sure I looked like a cross between Lilly Savage and Les Dawson by that stage. Trying to stand sideways on with one leg pressed to the side of the table did not help that much either I have to say.
By the end of the evening I was bone weary and fit for bed. I loaded the car back up and we headed for home. But the fuel gauge was now almost on empty. Have you ever just carried on because there is no other option, even as your brain is in utter meltdown? Well that was how I felt. Surely there would be a petrol station within the next few miles?
But there wasn’t. I counted the milometer and with every tick it made, I aged a year. The fuel arrow continued to sink and the miles kept accruing and still there was no garage in sight. Finally, running on mere petrol fumes, the car made it back to Bromsgrove… only to find that the nearest petrol station had closed for the night and we would have to travel another half mile to the next one. How we made it there, I will never know. But we did. And fuel purchased, it was then off to the chip shop for a treat for the kids.
And do you know the funniest thing of all? The kids had a whale of a time …
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