Come talk to me about my latest book releases.

Tickets can be purchased here or via Facebook.

 

An audio reading of Split Decision...

With thanks to Wine & Words and the amazing Sarah Jane Rose. 

Listen to the interview and hear the book here. 

Note: the reading follows the interview. 

Happy listening. x

A new interview...

 Read the latest interview I've given here. Many thanks to Cecilia Lee. 

Even better than before - Split Decision

Well get me - I've just managed to publish the second edition of Split Decision and I'm very proud. And not just of the book, but of the perseverance I've had to show to physically manipulate various websites to do so. 

Heartfelt thanks to the support teams of Amazon and Goodreads who have been magnificent in sorting out all my self-induced problems - from putting the books in the wrong place, to trying to figure out why the system wouldn't do what I needed it to. 

Now just another 23 books to go...

Amazon and Goodreads teams, I'd stock up on headache tablets if I were you - you're going to need them...

Happy reading folks!

  

The Owners Series

If you're a fan of my sci-fi series The Owners, you'll be glad to hear that I'm currently working on the ninth volume in the series. 

It's been strange to come back to the characters after such a long break, and having left them where they were at in Volume I: Alone. But the character of Sophia drew me right back in, not to mention San and Loni, who I had been eager to write about again. 

I'm currently a third of the way through Volume 9 so I won't spoil how the plot is evolving - suffice it to say that you're going to have quite a few surprises in store...

And I'm still working on my many film and TV series too. Again, my lips are sealed right now but there will be some news coming up soon. 

Until then, if you haven't yet tried one of my books, take a look at my REVIEWS page to the right of this post. 

Happy reading!

2019 already!

Hello again readers. 

Hasn't it been a long Christmas and New Year period? My children didn't go back to school until January 8th, and by then we were all so far removed from our routine, that it kind of came as a shock when it arrived. 

That said, I'm well into the three films I was planning to get started on. The truth is that I couldn't wait until January, and started them around Christmas. 

So far I'm loving them. You may remember me telling you that they are very different and I think that's half the fun, having so many different characters in my head, all offering their opinions on any given subject at one time. I swear, some days they have a party in there and don't even invite me!

Today I woke up to a wonderful message which was sent to me by a reader. 

" I have just finished reading your book, began and finished in one night! Incredibly hooking story and very well written, definitely hope you write more! Thank you for such a great read!"

Needless to say, I'm absolutely delighted. I do hope she leaves a review on Amazon. 

And yes, there are more books coming. To date, I have written 20 books and around 8 films, the first of which will be coming out this year. 

So if you haven't yet read any of my published books, you really should. 

Happy reading! x

Review Time

Here's another review. I have to say that I wish she'd put what she liked first and what she didn't, last, but there it is...


**** Split Decision by Carmen Capuano ****
3* review from Nicole @ EBR

Although I read through Split Decision by Carmen Capuano fairly quickly, I still found that it was quite a difficult book to sit down and review, because although there were many interesting points to this story, it was also a complicated and confusing one until everything came together at the end.

I will say that it deals with a very sensitive topic and I felt that not enough was discussed or expounded upon in regards to the aftermath and the emotional ramifications of that traumatic event for the character. Until all these events and moments come together and you have that clarification on what is going on, the story was a little monotonous in the first few chapters as we establish the friendship between the two girls and the "sliding doors" moment when her fate was decided with her decisions.

I was unsure at times of who the book's main demographic would be, what the target audience was. The characters are so young but the incidents and issues are very much of a mature nature, at times it read like a cautionary YA novel for teenagers, but other times it felt more developed and grown up. The other problem I experienced was the setting. I wasn't sure where this story takes place as the dialogue switches between American and British colloquialisms, there are American characters, Greek characters and I'm assuming English? I like to have everything around me fully established, whether it be the geographical setting, or the characters heritage.
Now that the negative is out of the way I will say that once the story gained momentum and we were thrown into the drama and chaos of that one night, I really started to like the story. Happening in real time almost, it became thrilling, dangerous, heartbreaking and gained the depth and entertainment factor that the story sorely lacked in the beginning.

I really enjoyed the male characters in Split Decision, we have two very different people, with two very different outlooks in life, two men completely dissimilar in moral values and I liked how the bad was highlighted and distinguished from the good and sweet. The dialogue too seemed to become something 'more',

'But most of all what I see is the indifference people show to each other." He raised his beer to his lips and took a long swallow. I waited for him to continue but he didn't seem inclined to.
"You can't save the world." It was a lame response and I knew it but there was nothing else I could say.

"No I can't save the world. But I can save those I care about." His eyes blazed with passion. There was a hidden depth to his words that I wasn't ready to probe.'

Over all it was a good read, it's just getting past those first few chapters inside a giggly teenage girls overly dramatic head that might prove difficult for some but trust me when you do read on it will be worth it. The story picks up speed and added drama and the characters seem to develop over the ensuing chapters too.
*********************************************************************************************
How was Natalie to know that the decision she was about to
make between two potential dates, would forever be a pivotal point in her life? That it would mark the time where childhood innocence ended?
How could she even imagine that the wrong decision would send her life spiralling into the stuff of nightmares from where she might not come out alive?
Life takes a cruel twist of fate when Natalie, a completely average [almost] 16 year old, is forced to make a split-second decision... a decision that will change her future and forever alter her perception of trust, love and the realities of life.
Buy link---->
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Split-Decision-Carme…/…/ref=sr_1_2…

RED ALERT! Price hike!

Thank you to everyone who has reported this to me today.

Yes, I am aware that the price of my books has shot up overnight on Amazon, and no, I don't know why that should be the case.

Rest assured I AM looking into it, but as anyone who had ever dealt with Amazon will know, they are a law unto themselves. 

So in the meantime, if you are desperate for a copy before Christmas, message me and I will post a signed copy to you. xx

Split Decision gets a new review

Apologies for the lack of posting recently, however I have been very caught up in the latest book I have been writing, a complex and twisting paranormal tale, which I hope to be bringing to you very soon.

In the meantime, here is another great review for Split Decision which has just come in.

"I recently read Carmen Capuano's new book 'Split Decision', this is the second of Carmen's books that I have read; the first being 'Ascension' (and you can read that review here: http://bit.ly/2iQK17G). To be honest I wasn't sure what to expect from Split Decision, particularly, as a Young Adult novel, it was so different from the dystopian chaos of Ascension. Nevertheless, overall I really enjoyed it, and couldn't put it down until I had finished it.

The plot of this story I thought I'd guessed, but as I read on, I realised that I wasn't such a good detective as I had thought. The key part of this book is the split element. At chapter six the book splits into two halves telling two parallel stories: one on a date with Rhys, the other on a date with Nathan, and how the two pan out - it reminded me of Gwyneth Paltrow in 'Sliding Doors'. I would love to go on and talk more about the twists and turns of the book but I find I cannot do that without spoilers! 

I think one of the most important things about any book is the characters, whether you warm to them and whether they feel properly three dimensional and not just words on a page. As far as characters go in this book, I thought they were written well. The main character, Natalie, had a strong voice and personality, and I felt she developed a lot over the book whilst remaining true to character. The male characters is difficult for me to review without spoilers, as it is not until nearly the end where you get told which date is which. Cleverly Carmen kept it unclear throughout which guy was which, by playing with what you, as the reader, thought you knew about them, and how you thought each guy would act. What I would have liked to have known at the end perhaps, is why she made the decision that she did. In this book, which also reminded me of the film 'Taken', there were clear good characters, and bad characters, and whilst I am fully aware that eighteen year olds can be villainous, I think they could have done with having a couple of the 'bad' characters being a little older than teenagers. I did however like the drama, the high stakes and I think what is done best with the book is how at the end of each chapter you're left wanting to know more. 

I thought this book was super readable; it kept a really good pace, and kept the mystery and drama throughout. There were some cliche moments, but they were also sweet and I could imagine a sixteen year old doing and saying those things. It was a clever book that played with what the reader thinks they know, the important word there being thinks. It was such an interesting premise the split chapters and it was very enjoyable to read!" 

Now order your copy in time for Christmas. x

"Intriguing from beginning to end." A new review for Split Decision.

It's always nerve-racking when you notice a new review of one of your books. Will the reviewer have loved it? Or loathed it?

Regardless of how well it's written, how exquisitely crafted, how interesting and captivating the subject matter, both are equally possible. After all, reading is a very subjective thing. Who hasn't tried a book that was recommended by a friend, only to be disappointed?

So on that note, here is the latest review for Split Decision. Why don't you try it for yourself and see if you agree with the review?

Here's another review for Split Decision. [Amazon.com]

4 stars
"Intriguing from beginning to end.
...

I went into this book kind of blind not fully understanding what it was actually about until I dived in. At times I became utterly confused as to what was going on but once it all merged it just clicked.
Natalie is a typical 15 year old girl who lives a very sheltered life. She has a good family and a best friend so what more can Nat want in life? While out shopping her destines collide and something she never thought possible was asked of her. Two boys who are total opposites of each other ask her out at the same time and on the same day. One boy she grew up with and one known to everyone as a trouble maker for his appearance alone. Natalie makes her decision and that sets her and her best friends life on a path of heartache and trauma yet filled with finding love and oneself in an unlikely person.
I will admit I was unsure of this book. When the chapters started dividing into sub chapters It threw me and I didn’t know if I would be able to finish it. I persevered and discovered a heart wrenching book with a delicate subject underneath. I was intrigued and once the book picked up I didn’t want to stop. The words used at times and the descriptions of normal things at times were a bit hard to follow. All in all it’s a very interesting read that I think people should try."

A Truly Unique Venue

What do you think of when you consider an event space? A large bland room? Perhaps an area with a stage? Certainly somewhere that can comfortably hold the amount of people you intend to invite.

I had these ideas and more in mind, when I attended a showcase evening last week. Set within the building which now houses The Birmingham Repertory Theatre, as well as Birmingham Library, the variety of rooms and areas for hire were more than I had anticipated.

And not one for hiding their light under a bushel, Unique Venues Birmingham had gone all out to show the rooms off at their very best.

After cocktails served in glass baubles upon our arrival, we were ushered from one room to another, each one decorated in a different theme. There was Mr. and Mrs. Jack Frost, Dorothy and the Lion from The Wizard Of Oz, [a personal favourite of mine] and The Queen of Hearts, each in their own unique setting. And I actually began to wonder how it would end. What could they have planned for the ultimate room, the final showstopper?



The Shakespeare Room.

It was everything I could have expected and more - stunning architecture, walls lined with wooden bookshelves which seemed to groan under the weight of hefty tomes and a table laid out for a king.



I for one would be more than happy to hold an event in such an illustrious place.









So maybe one day, when those shelves are filled with books bearing my name, you will find me holding court in that gorgeous room...



Until then, happy reading.

Here's a new first...

Some of you may already know that I'm a little bit of a technophobe, so when I was asked if I could be interviewed on a podcast, my anxiety levels rocketed.

However, it turned out to be a really relaxing thing to do, after all, all I had to do was talk. I didn't have to worry about the strange gurning my mouth would be doing when I spoke, nor whether my makeup was melting into my face.

What I hadn't counted on though, was my dogs going berserk in the middle of the recording when the postwoman knocked in the door. Luckily the interviewer was such a pro [thanks Michael de Groot from @stayingaliveUK] that it was edited out, post-production.

So here is the podcast in all its glory.

PODCAST



Happy listening!

A Spanish Holiday

It's taken me a couple of weeks to catch up with life enough to be able to sit down and write a blog about my recent trip to Spain, so here it is...

You may have read about the fiasco of my previous trip to Benidorm on this blog - suffice it to say that my life is often farcical at best, so I wasn't really expecting things to go to plan on this trip. And I guess that I wasn't far wrong. Except that this time, everything was so much better than I'd imagined it could be. Indeed from the beginning to the end of the holiday, some fantastic things happened. So let me share a couple of them with you.

The first unexpectedly good thing to happen, was when we boarded the plane. Although I hadn't pre-booked our seats, we were given priority ones [lots of leg room for my growing teenagers] as well as  an invitation into the cockpit for a chat with the pilots, once the plane had arrived at it's destination.

Now I don't know about you, but I've never been in a cockpit before, and so I was totally agog at the array of levers, buttons and switches presented in front of me. I'm a little ashamed to say my fingers twitched to push and pull some of them, just to see what would happen.

Unaware of my clearly psychotic tendencies, the pilot and co-pilot were exceptionally friendly, and even invited us to sit in the 'flying seat', offering us their hats to wear!

Here is a picture of my daughter Sophia in the pilot's seat.

This theme was continued when we reached the hotel, to find that a complimentary bottle of champagne had been sent to our room to help us celebrate a special occasion. Believe me, it went down exceptionally well and set the tone for the rest of our stay.

None of us could wait to get into the clear, cool water of the sea. But there was a surprise in store for us there too... little biting fish! Like the fish that were so popular a while back for removing dead skin on feet, these little fish were using us as live food!

Not painful, once you got used to them, the bites were merely a strange sensation to encounter, but the end result was truly amazing. By day two I had the softest, smoothest feet in Benidorm!

But the strangest thing of all was our return trip from a day out in Alicante.

We had travelled there by public transport, which I love to do whilst abroad. The bus out from Benidorm took around forty minutes and was a pleasant journey. As was the entire day itself.

By the time we were ready to return to the hotel we were weary and hungry. But as we boarded the bus we had no idea that this service took the scenic route, a veritable tour of what seemed like the entire southern coastline of Spain.

Inland and out we travelled, stopping at every town, village and deserted stop, on a journey that took just over two and a half hours to get from A to B! But it was in the middle of this epic journey that things got a little unusual, when a pregnant woman boarded the bus.

Now strange as this may seem, given the fact that I have three children of my own, but pregnant women make me nervous. I almost always expect them to go into spontaneous labour, upon which I will of course be drawn into helping them deliver their child. As ridicuoous a fear as it is, I find it hard to shake it.

Anyway, I digress. The woman got on with a bag and a small suitcase, which the driver stowed in the luggage hold as she boarded. Many stops later, we pulled up outside a maternity hospital. It didn't appear to be a scheduled stop.

The woman got out with her bag and walked around the corner of the hospital and out of sight. But the bus didn't drive off. Instead the driver looked at his watch, got off  the bus and paced up and down for about ten minutes.

"Perhaps we are waiting for her to have the baby and get back on the bus with it," I joked. But when the driver then also disappeared around the corner of the hospital, I began to regret my words. Ten more minutes passed and nothing happened. What was even stranger was that the local Spaniards on the bus didn't seem unduly concerned - they just waited patiently.

Maybe he had gone after her to remind her that she'd left her case, but then why had he not just taken it into the hospital with him? It didn't make sense. I didn't know what the pregnant woman was doing, but desperate to resume the journey, I was having kittens!

Eventually the driver and the woman returned and she was still pregnant - I was almost surprised at this. Perhaps she was the driver's wife, hence the unscheduled stop and the wait for her return. Both the driver and the woman boarded the bus once more.

Half an hour later the bus pulled up at a small village and both bus driver and the pregnant woman disembarked and he fetched her case. But when he came back to his seat, she followed him back on board, made rude hand gestures to him and proceeded to hop on and off the bus, each time yelling and shouting in a rage which abated before rapidly returning. The passengers of the bus sat in an awed silence, myself included.

Finally having gotten all of her wrath out, she stormed off, suitcase pulled in her wake. I'll never know what it was she said, or what it was about, but I can tell you that the bus erupted with laughter and excited chatter when the doors closed and the abashed driver resumed his route. Whatever passed between him and his passengers that day will not be quickly forgotten, I bet.

So if your looking for a little local flavour on your Spanish holiday, make sure you take the local bus - just don't expect to get anywhere fast!

Oh and if ever you need to find somewhere to insult you as you are having your meal, this is clearly the place to choose.


Happy reading.

Taken with kind permission from the blog of Uncial Press, publishers of Ascension.

There are some fascinating novels based on a single action changing history. No, we aren’t talking about time travel, but about speculative stories that look at a single event and postulate what might have happened if the outcome had been different. One term for it is “alternate history.”
Alternate history is usually classed as science fiction, and we can’t argue with that, even though often there’s no science in it. Some the oldies we remember are Ward Moore’s Bring the Jubilee, The Gate of Worlds by Robert Silverberg, and Tunnel Through the Deeps by Harry Harrison. Personally, our favorite is A Midsummer Tempest by Poul Anderson; an original hardcover edition still resides on Jude’s bookshelves.

Sometimes a story isn’t strictly “alternate history” because the event that changed history isn’t part of it. Is that really important? Perhaps we can apply the theory that each decision creates a new possibility and myriad almost-parallel worlds lies side by side, but isolated from each other. And if you can accept that, it’s easy to accept stories that take place on Earth, but a different Earth from the one we currently exist on. After all, isn’t all fiction more or less like that? There are far more dukes in Regency romances than ever existed in the real England, nowhere near as many serial killers (thank goodness) in our world as in the many thrillers and mysteries about them, and not a whole lot of vampires walking the streets of our hometowns. Yet we accept all those alternate views of reality because they are entertaining, interesting, gripping.

Where are we going with this? As a matter of fact, this month’s release started us thinking about alternate history and alternate worlds, mostly because we couldn’t figure out quite what to call it. As far as we know, there is no place on our Earth with a society like it describes, but there could have been. Oh, yes, there could have been, for nothing is impossible.


In Ascension, Carmen Capuano describes a believable society with a structure of law intended to protect its citizens from the wages of sin and chaos. Everyone accepts the societal definitions of right and wrong until Jessica, a young woman with the unusual ability to see the color of people’s souls, realizes that a friend’s life will be destroyed by blind obedience to the law. With that realization comes questions, and those questions lead her on a quest. What she finds may threaten the whole fabric of society. The choice she makes could destroy her world. (Ascension, $6.99. ISBN 978-1-60174-2255-4).

We love mystery-thrillers, particularly those with just a touch of romance. Our March release fits that description nicely. Al Haggerty’s debut book, The Failover File, has industrial sabotage, plane crashes, billionaire industrialists, and a couple of federal agents who can’t be bought. What more does one need for a satisfying read? Oh, yes, there’s romance in there too.
And remember, we’ve always got a bunch of good (Uncial Press) ebooks for you to read. Stay tuned…

Star & Jude

Silver linings and all that...

I'm so sorry - you're all going to hate me for this, but I'm loving the fact that it's raining.

The ground was so hard - the grass beginning to dry and shrivel up - and I knew exactly how it felt.

A short, sharp burst of heavy rain is exactly what we need right now.

So come on, dust off those wellies and umbrellas and dance in the rain. It will be hot and sunny again tomorrow and everything will grow and bloom just because of the little wet interlude we've had.

Remember - every silver lining starts with a cloud. 

Happy reading!

Which author[s] am I like?

I took a little bit of The Owners Volume I : Alone and input it into this analysing tool and according to this I write like H.P. Lovecraft.

This was the section I used :

The harsh sunlight, which pierced the window in its strong and direct glare, was now mellowed and softened in the burnished reflections of the polished wooden walls. The knots and imperfections of the wood resembling tiny worlds of intricacies, too complex to be fully understood.

In passing, he glanced through the window to find the view as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. An amazing variety of trees stood like proud sentinels around a spectacular natural lake. Trees stretched on into infinity in every direction – luscious light-green foliage appearing to vie with emerald and jade for the eye’s attention. Yet the trees also seemed to be collaborating with one another, joining forces in an attempt to outdo the drama of the brilliant blue sky reflected in the shimmering perfection of the silvery lake.

This scene, with its myriad colours and composition was so intense and so contrastingly stunning, it almost made San’s eyes hurt. Each tree was unique, either in size or shape or shade to its neighbour, just as the houses lodged within the heart of the tree, sitting snug amongst its highest branches were different. There were large tree houses and small ones, round ones and rectangular ones and even some which didn’t fit any one particular shape but instead were a weird blend of curves and angles.

Similarly the colours of the houses were all different. No, actually he thought, that’s not true. The colour was all the same – green – it was the sheer variety of shades of green which made them seem so dramatically different. Yet what struck San at that precise moment, was how each tree house conformed to and in fact complimented, the size and shape of the tree it was lodged in. It was almost as if each house had merged and blended with the branches to become a living part of its tree.  


Here it is http://iwl.me/s/147eabd8


Then I took this except from The Owners Volume III : Dark Side of The Sun and performed the same analysis :

Jack stepped into the darkness. Even in the seconds that his eyes took to adjust to the lack of light, he was aware that he stood next to Seth once more. There was a musty smell in the room. Dank and with the sharp acrid stench of urine, it was all he could do not to heave. Whoever was in the building had clearly given up all pretence of civilisation.

And they were aware of his and Seth’s presence. There was a vague sound of susurration, as if the person was making soft whisperings to themselves or another but it was too indistinct for him to make out its source or what was said.

“Step back slowly. Do not turn around,” Seth told him without moving.

“Why?” He knew he should probably just do as Seth suggested but having come this far, he wanted to know what they had found.

The susurration seemed to increase in response to his words, as if the person or persons were becoming agitated at the thought of them leaving. “This is why,” Seth slowly pulled a torch from his pocket and flicking it on, levelled it at the darkest corner of the room.

Hair tangled and knotted, what was left of the scalp hung down in front of the skeleton’s face. Whilst not strictly a skeleton, it was how Jack had to think of the body which was even now being hungrily devoured by the biggest pack of coyotes Jack had ever seen.  Bigger than the average dog, their normally lean bodies seemed fuller and longer than normal.


And this was the analysis  http://iwl.me/s/147eabd8



So far, so consistent. Now the biggie. What happened when I put in a section from Split Decision?

Here is the excerpt I used :

The atmosphere in the car was suddenly thick with sexual tension. I could feel all of them straining to hear my answer, listening with their groins rather than their brains.

A primitive fear coursed through me riding a tidal wave of doom. There was no right answer here, only a series of wrong answers. My heart pounded at the steel cage it was entrapped within, banged itself into the padded walls around it and no-one heard it scream. No-one but me. Whatever I answered, I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t! It was a circular route to Hell.

And the result? This time I wrote like James Joyce apparently!  http://iwl.me/s/d760c1b4



Then this excerpt from my current work in progress, The Plan :


Suzie regarded her companion with wide eyes. None of her friends spoke like this, it was not the type of conversation she was used to having but she liked the honesty of it, the cut and dried truthfulness.

And you will never guess who came out this time! Leo Tolstoy!

And the proof is here  http://iwl.me/s/698342ba

Does that mean I am split personality???

[I wonder what would have happened if I had cut and pasted all the different excerpts into one analysis...perhaps I would have blown the software to smithereens!]

I gave up running the analysis on the other books I have written. They are all diverse - just like me.

So who do I write like? Well I write like me, of course!

Happy Reading. 

What am I like?

Did I actually tell you what my books were like? Somehow in all the madness, I'm not sure I ever really did. So here it is:-

Split Decision is a thriller about the choice a girl has to make which might have devastating consequences, whilst Ascension is a dystopian thriller. Think The Hunger Games without the fighting.

The Owners series is a blend of Avatar, The Planet of the Apes, and 2012 ... where dystopia meets utopia, with a tiny fraction of The Waking Dead [minus the zombies] thrown in for good measure.

Of course it's not really like any of the above in their entirety but it does have elements of them all. It is set in a world where the relationships between the characters are similar to those in Avatar - there is a mutual bond of love and respect, there is a life/world changing event which creates mayhem and upheaval as in 2012 and then there is the struggle for life after this event, hence The Walking Dead.

So read one of my books today...it will set your imagination on fire!


Happy reading.

Benidorm revisited...

In light of the fact that I have just booked a holiday to Spain, I thought I'd remind you of what happened the last time I was there.

So make a drink then settle yourself down for a read...

I have just returned from a holiday in Spain. Am I calmer after the break, more relaxed, less wound like a coiled spring? Probably not. For the truth is that the moment you are home, yes, literally that moment, it becomes clear how much you have to do just to get back on track with everyday life. All the lounging about and dipping into sun-dappled pools is nothing more than a memory and even that seems distant.

Add to this the fact that there were elements of pure fiasco during the holiday and I have to wonder if all the frantic organising was even worth it.

It certainly started with an adventure. I had pre-booked [and pre-paid] airport parking as that seemed like a sensible thing to do. But as I approached Birmingham Airport it became clear that Car Park 7 had no road signs leading to it, unlike numbers 1-6.

Not owning a sat. nav. anymore, [if you want the ludicrous story of how that was lost, you will have to go back to a blog post from about a year ago] I resorted to reading the directions I had printed out. Let’s just say I drove around the same island five times, each time taking a different exit, only to return defeated.

By this time my blood pressure was up, the kids in the back were starting to ask when the plane took off and would we be on it, and I was still none the wiser.

The time was fast approaching 5am when we were due to check in for our flight, and everywhere seemed deserted. There was no one around to even ask where I should have been heading.

In desperation, I pulled in to Car Park 1 and pressed the button on the intercom for assistance. I explained that I was lost and needed help to find Car Park 7. Unfortunately the disembodied voice didn’t seem to know where that was either! There followed an interminably long wait whilst he consulted a map and finally delivered the sage advice that I should, “Go back to the roundabout and pick up the signs for number 7.”

Defeated, I had to reverse the car out of the one-way system, invoking incredulous stares from the other motorists and head back to the same island I had already been around five times!

Since most of them led to other car parks, I chose the one route which didn’t and followed it for some time in the hope that it would be right. Guess what? I still didn’t find the car park I needed. I returned to the original roundabout. The time was 5:30am and I was in a cold sweat.

This time I pulled into car Park 5 and up to the intercom barrier. I pressed the button and waited. “Look I’m lost. I have paid for Car Park 7 but I can’t find it. I have been around and around… and if you don’t help me I am going to miss my flight and …”

I was cut off by a bored voice. “Oh, it’s you again. Didn’t you find it then?” Now don’t ask me why it never occurred to me that it would be the same man from Car Park 1, but it didn’t. Then to have him state the blatantly obvious was almost too much for me. I felt steam coming out of my ears. Very slowly, one vertebrae at a time, I felt myself turn towards the little camera that regarded me so intrusively. Behind my eyes I saw an image of how I must appear to him and I sharpened my gaze.

Before I could say anything I heard him clear his throat and say anxiously, “Wait there. I will get a supervisor to direct you.”

Wait there? Where did he think I was going to go? Round and round the roundabout on a pleasure jaunt, whirling suitcases and children from the car window in wild abandonment, in the hope that some of them would land close to the terminal and might actually make it to the plane?

Finally a supervisor arrived. It took only a short conversation for him to see that by now directions were going to be lost on me. He opened up the barrier and let me park, for which I will be eternally grateful.

By the time we got to the duty free shops, all my previous cares had been forgotten. Almost. Gleefully, my ten year old daughter and I sampled the perfumes and the make-up, drawing on our hands thick lines of every colour available.

Now lots of cosmetics claim to be waterproof… but few actually are. In the toilets, I lathered up my hands and worked at the smears of green and blue and red, rubbing and scraping at my skin. The make-up refused to dissolve and wash away but it did move, smearing itself over both hands, so that it looked like I had been bare-knuckle boxing with Mike Tyson. Again and again I washed my hands, each time more frantically than before, cursing under my breath so that I must have looked more than a little like a modern-day Lady Macbeth. All that was needed was for me to shriek, “Out, damned spot!” and I might even have got an Oscar.

So as usual we ended up making a frenzied dash for the plane, with me trying in vain to hide my monstrous looking hands from everyone. I took solace in the family pack of chocolate raisins I had bought for the journey, doling them out for myself and the children.

It was a turbulent flight, particularly noticeable when on one jolt, I dropped several of the sweets and they clattered softly to the floor. Embarrassed, I tried to pick them up and dispose of them – no mean feat when the seating space seems to have been modelled on the dimensions of mankind from the 1950s, when men were trim and women had waists, but I got most of them up.

It was only when I uncontorted myself that I discovered the people across the aisle were watching me in fascination. It seemed they thought I was so panicked about the turbulence that I had adopted the safety ‘brace’ position.

Safely ensconced in my seat once more, I hoped that I had finished providing them with free entertainment. But I’m afraid the show was not yet over. It was only when I stood up to go to the toilet that I realised not all of the chocolate treats had fallen to the floor. Some had slipped onto my seat, becoming effectively squashed and melted under me.

Do you have any idea what a few squashed chocolate buttons and raisins look like when congealed to the seat of your jeans? Mortified, I blazed a trail to the toilets, cheeks crimson and with the sound of my children’s guffaws still ringing in my ears. I may never live that memory down.

I had booked a hotel in Benidorm because of the dates we needed to have and the price I was happy to pay, added to the fact that I wanted a hotel which was close to the beach and which offered nightly entertainment. Now at this point are you all shaking your heads? I thought so.

And to be honest Benidorm was everything people say it is. But it is also beautiful, with long sandy beaches where the sea is both warm and crystal clear and fish swim unafraid around your toes.

Cloistered within the walls of our hotel by night, there was none of the anti-social behaviour that might have been acted out on the streets and many clubs and bars of the town, but there was still that flavoursome sense of excitement, that in the warm air, scented with exotic flowers and coconut suntan lotion, anything might happen…

I even managed to convince myself that I could look as enticing as Halle Berry famously coming out of the sea in one of the James Bond movies, so I tried it. Hair slicked back by the tide, bikini rucked up to cover my most wobbliest of bits, I emerged, white and short limbed from the foamy waves.

The film score which was playing in my head, stuttered and died as I caught my big toe on a rock concealed under the water. Pain shot up my foot and I stumbled, feet flailing under the water, trying to find purchase and finding only the rock. Again. I went down like a lead balloon, hair straggling over my face and inhaling a great lungful of salt water.

But this holiday also provided a number of firsts for me. I had never taken the children abroad on my own before and it was a bitter-sweet experience. I sat alone watching the nightly entertainment, my teenage son off messaging his friends on Facebook and my daughter playing with new friends, and although the shows were on the whole very good, I felt I cut a rather pathetic figure, there on my own. This was highlighted during one of the acts, when a comedian picked on me as being clearly alone in a swarm of huge family groups and asked what my name was, where I was from and whether I was married or not.

Reluctantly giving the answers, I was dismayed to be asked more; how old was I and did I have children? Giving the answers as I did, starkly and without embellishment, I almost felt like I was on a game show dating site:- ‘And now here’s Carmen, all the way from the Midlands, give her a cheer! Carmen is single, 48 and has three children!’

So when the Adele tribute singer came on, perhaps you will forgive me for shedding a quiet, surreptitious tear at my aloneness.

In general though, the entertainment was really good and my thanks go out to JJ Jones who was the Neil Diamond Tribute and to Andy, the Rod Stewart tribute, who were both photographed with my newest novel, Split Decision. [See earlier posts]

In particular I must mention the fact that JJ Jones donates all proceeds from the sale of his CDs to a charity in remembrance of his daughter.

But my most enduring memories of this holiday? Well apart from the looks of purest joy on the faces of my children, it would have to be sitting on the balcony with the strains of Spanish music played on an acoustic guitar, filtering up from below. The music seemed to play with the noise of the passing traffic like a cat with a mouse, sometimes feigning passivity, at other times being assertive, taking control and bending the other noise to its will.

Spain is the land of my grandfather, the origin of my name and so perhaps it is a part of me in a way that I almost can’t define. Looking at my children, I now think it may well be a part of them too.

Editing!

Editing today...

The toilets are empty ,as I knew they would be. I find the cleanest cubicle and lock the door. For a long time I stare at the razor but do nothing with it. I am not afraid. Quite the opposite. I am excited. The anticipation of the calm serenity which I know will overcome me when I make a cut, causes my hands to shake with excitement.

I hold the blade up towards the electric strip lights. The bulbs are covered so the metal doesn’t gleam as much as it does at home, but it sparkles enough to entice me to turn it around and around in my hands.

I want to cut so badly. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. Soon I can’t stand it any longer; the wait, the heady anticipation. I bare my skin and make a cut on my upper thigh, the one I’ve already marked. Blood wells and flows and I mop it up and flush the evidence of bloodied tissue away, watching it swirl around the white porcelain bowl like an unfurling flag.

It’s my flag. My banner. My proclamation that I still exist. Whether I want to or not.

Happy reading!

Sleep, perchance to dream...

I am sleep deprived. Seriously sleep deprived. During the last week I have had on average two and a half hours of sleep per night. I am like the walking dead.

And yet the creative side of my brain refuses to quit. What little sleep I do get is peppered with dreams, and not strange and near hallucinogenic ones, but indeed lucid, coherent and cohesive, fully-joined up dreams. A few of them have been exciting enough for me to have jotted them down in my 'ideas for future novels' book.

I can barely string a sentence together I'm so tired, and on more than one occasion I have attempted to make coffee without first boiling the water...and yet the creative side of my brain is awash with ideas. Now if only I could sleep enough to get the energy to start writing some of them up...

In the meantime, why don't you take a look at some of those I have already written, just click on the link to Amazon on the right.

Happy reading!